Having an Effective NO.

Having an Effective NO.

How do you stand up to a borderline or narcissist who is trying to control and manipulate you with charm, sadness, promises, apologies, and/or clinging neediness? Any time you give into a manipulator, you are sending the message that YOUR feelings and wants don’t matter and theirs are more important.

If you are going to stand up for your feelings and choices, you have to know your boundaries and protect them with the word NO. I love the character “Cho” on the TV show, The Mentalist. He does the most believable NO I have ever seen. His delivery is done without emotion, with no worry about how it is received, no explanations, and a completely dead-pan face. Only a master manipulator will even try to change his mind. The ability to have an effective NO goes a long way toward helping you identify those people who listen and respect your decisions and those who don’t.

Knowing your boundaries is an essential component in avoiding manipulation and controlling tactics by others. When you know your bottom line—i.e., what you will and won’t agree to and accept–then you’ll know where and when to apply the NO stop sign. When you feel uncertain or unclear about your values, choices, and preferences, you’ll are more vulnerable to manipulation and coercive tactics by others.